901+ Funny Black Cat Names: Silly, Ironic & Clever

Black cats have the most unfair reputation in the animal kingdom and the most unearned mystique. They’re not bad luck. They’re not witches’ familiars. They are, however, absolutely dramatic at all times, tend to disappear completely in dark rooms, and have a way of staring at walls that suggests they can see things you cannot. A name like “Blackie” doesn’t begin to cover it.

Below you’ll find 900+ funny black cat names sorted by style, gender, personality, and purpose. From midnight mythology to pop culture darkness to ironic sunshine names, this list covers every black cat that has ever sat on a dark surface and become invisible.

Funny Black Cat Names

The essentials. Names that capture the specific theatrical energy of owning a black cat — dramatic, slightly ominous, and funnier for it.

1. Void
2. The Void
3. Midnight
4. Shadow
5. Salem
6. Onyx
7. Obsidian
8. Nox
9. Hex
10. Jinx
11. Hex Kitten
12. Bad Luck
13. Unlucky
14. Superstition
15. Thirteen
16. Friday the 13th
17. Black Holes
18. The Eclipse
19. Solar Event
20. Darkness Incarnate
21. His Dark Majesty
22. Lord of Shadows
23. Overlord
24. Tiny Demon
25. Small Demon
26. Literal Satan
27. The Antichrist (said with love)
28. Definitely Not Evil
29. Actually Harmless
30. Mostly Harmless
31. Relatively Benign
32. Probably Fine
33. Nothing Wrong Here
34. Very Normal Cat
35. Not Cursed
36. Definitely Not Cursed
37. Totally Fine
38. A Normal Animal
39. Source of Bad Luck
40. Responsible for Everything

Funny black cat names fall into two categories: the ones that lean fully into the darkness mythology (“Void,” “The Antichrist”) and the ones that undercut it completely (“Definitely Not Evil,” “Very Normal Cat”). Both are correct. Both are funnier than “Shadow” alone.

Creative Black Cat Names

Names with real imagination behind them — pulling from mythology, science, pop culture, and absurdist logic to produce something genuinely original.

1. Schrödinger (both alive and dead until observed)
2. Dark Matter
3. Event Horizon
4. Singularity
5. Black Hole Sun
6. Photon Absorber
7. Zero Albedo
8. Light Eater
9. UV Resistant
10. Carbon Unit
11. Entropy
12. Void Walker
13. Shadow Protocol
14. Dark Node
15. Stealth Mode
16. Nightshade
17. Belladonna
18. Wolfsbane
19. Hemlock
20. Deadly Nightshade
21. Atropa
22. Solanine
23. Henbane
24. Hellebore
25. Foxglove (irony: extremely pretty)
26. Vantablack (the darkest material ever made — for the darkest cat)
27. Pitch
28. Tar
29. Soot
30. Char
31. Cinder
32. Ash
33. Smoke
34. Ember (glowing underneath)
35. Coal
36. Charcoal
37. Graphite
38. Basalt
39. Obsidian
40. Tourmaline

“Vantablack” on a cat is the most scientifically accurate name in this list. Vantablack absorbs 99.965% of visible light. Some black cats appear to do the same thing with your attention, your sleep schedule, and your will to own anything nice.

Unique Black Cat Names

Names no other black cat in your neighborhood has been given. These feel fresh, specific, and built to last a 15-year cat life.

1. Noctiluca (bioluminescent plankton — glows in the dark like your cat’s eyes)
2. Aphelion (farthest point from the sun)
3. Umbra (the dark part of a shadow)
4. Penumbra (the lighter shadow edge)
5. Antumbra (the outer shadow)
6. Perihelion (closest to the sun — ironic for the darkest cat)
7. Zenith (peak darkness)
8. Nadir (lowest point — the darkest dark)
9. Syzygy (alignment of celestial bodies — for the dramatic cat)
10. Apogee (farthest from Earth)
11. Perigee (closest to Earth)
12. Equinox
13. Solstice (winter — darkest day)
14. Meridian
15. Ecliptic
16. Parallax
17. Occultation (when one celestial body hides another — your black cat hides in everything)
18. Sublimation (dark matter changing state)
19. Corvid (the bird family including crows and ravens)
20. Corvus (the crow constellation)
21. Cygnus (the swan constellation, ironic)
22. Orion (for the cat who hunts socks)
23. Erebus (Greek primordial darkness)
24. Achlys (Greek goddess of death mist)
25. Nyx (Greek goddess of night)
26. Keres (Greek spirits of violent death — for the aggressive cat)
27. Moros (Greek doom)
28. Apate (Greek deception — for the cat who pretends to be harmless)
29. Eris (Greek discord — very accurate)
30. Nemesis (Greek retribution — she remembers everything)

“Occultation” is a real astronomical term for when one celestial body blocks another. It is also the most accurate description of a black cat on a dark couch. You know he’s there. You just cannot prove it.

Famous Black Cat Names

Names from famous black cats in pop culture, film, literature, and internet history. These carry instant recognition and work as tribute or as irony.

1. Salem (Sabrina the Teenage Witch — the gold standard)
2. Binx (Hocus Pocus)
3. Thackery Binx (his full name, for formal occasions)
4. Mr. Bigglesworth (Austin Powers — hairless but black cat energy)
5. Blofeld’s Cat (Bond villain’s unnamed companion)
6. Jiji (Kiki’s Delivery Service)
7. Snowball (The Simpsons — ironic white name on a black cat)
8. Snowball II through V (The Simpsons — all black, all tragically named)
9. Felix (the original cartoon black cat)
10. Tom (Tom and Jerry — technically grey but close enough)
11. Sylvester (the perpetual failure)
12. Cat (the nameless black cat from Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
13. Midnight (generic but iconic)
14. Bagheera (The Jungle Book — the dignified black panther)
15. Berlioz (The Aristocats — the grey-black kitten)
16. Lucifer (Cinderella — the villain cat)
17. Cheshire (Alice in Wonderland — technically striped but dark energy)
18. Pluto (Edgar Allan Poe’s The Black Cat — the original literary black cat)
19. Grimalkin (the traditional witch’s black cat name)
20. Pyewacket (Bell, Book and Candle)
21. Thomasina (cat with nine lives)
22. Isis (from the 70s TV show)
23. Salem Saberhagen (full name of the Sabrina cat)
24. Goose (Captain Marvel — technically orange but energy)
25. Mrs. Norris (Harry Potter — for the informant cat)
26. Crookshanks (Harry Potter)
27. Hamlet (for the dramatic, philosophical black cat)
28. Macbeth (for the one causing all the problems)
29. Iago (for the scheming one)
30. Mephistopheles (Faust — for the one who seems to have made a deal)

Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch is the undisputed GOAT of black cat naming. A sarcastic, opinionated, formerly human black cat who comments on everything is the most accurate fictional representation of cat ownership ever produced.

Silly Black Cat Names

Names that undercut the dramatic black cat mythology entirely and replace it with pure absurdist joy.

1. Sir Void-a-Lot
2. Lord Darkness McFluffins
3. Count Floofula
4. Baron Von Shadows
5. Duke of Darkness
6. Princess of the Abyss
7. Countess Midnight
8. Empress of Nothing
9. Queen of Staring
10. Chief of Wall Investigations
11. Director of Ominous Sitting
12. CEO of The Dark Side
13. Head of Mysterious Operations
14. Minister of Shadow Affairs
15. Ambassador of Darkness
16. Supreme Darkness Officer
17. Senior Void Consultant
18. Darkness Intern
19. Junior Evil
20. Evil in Training
21. Apprentice Darkness
22. Almost Sinister
23. Mildly Ominous
24. Somewhat Threatening
25. Vaguely Suspicious
26. Technically Fine
27. Allegedly Harmless
28. Unconfirmed Demon
29. Suspected Witch Cat
30. Probably Not Haunted
31. Certainly Nothing
32. Normal Domestic Animal
33. Registered Feline
34. Legal Cat
35. This Is A Cat
36. Definitely A Cat
37. 100% Cat
38. Cat (Unverified)
39. Source Unknown
40. No Further Questions

Silly black cat names that downgrade the mythology (“Darkness Intern,” “Junior Evil,” “Mildly Ominous”) are the funniest category because they acknowledge the dramatic expectations of owning a black cat and then deflate them completely.

Best Black Cat Names

The all-time greatest black cat names. These have been tested by cat owners, upvoted by internet communities, and proven across vet offices and social media captions worldwide.

1. Salem
2. Void
3. The Void
4. Midnight
5. Shadow
6. Onyx
7. Obsidian
8. Jinx
9. Hex
10. Nox
11. Lord of Darkness
12. Tiny Demon
13. Definitely Not Evil
14. Schrödinger
15. Vantablack
16. Dark Matter
17. Event Horizon
18. Nightshade
19. Belladonna
20. Jiji
21. Bagheera
22. Pluto
23. Grimalkin
24. Erebus
25. Nyx
26. Moriarty
27. Dracula
28. Mephisto
29. Lucifer
30. Binx
31. Pyewacket
32. Felix
33. Hamlet
34. Macbeth
35. Cinder
36. Ash
37. Soot
38. Coal
39. Edgar (Allan Poe)
40. Gary (for maximum irony)

The best black cat names span the full range: the mythologically serious (“Erebus,” “Nyx”), the pop culture iconic (“Salem,” “Jiji”), and the completely deflating irony of “Gary.” All are correct. All work.

Cool Black Cat Names

For the black cat who moves through rooms like a shadow and has decided you’re lucky he lets you live here.

1. Phantom
2. Ghost
3. Raven
4. Shade
5. Eclipse
6. Nova (black nova)
7. Comet
8. Cosmos
9. Galaxy
10. Nebula
11. Void
12. Abyss
13. Cipher
14. Vector
15. Stealth
16. Wraith
17. Specter
18. Revenant
19. Shade
20. Umbra
21. Dusk
22. Mist
23. Haze
24. Smoke
25. Sable
26. Jet
27. Pitch
28. Slate
29. Noir
30. Nuit (French for night)
31. Noche (Spanish for night)
32. Notte (Italian for night)
33. Nacht (German for night)
34. Lila Nacht (dark night)
35. Ombra (Italian for shadow)
36. Brume (French for mist)
37. Tenebra (Latin for darkness)
38. Noir
39. Minuit (French for midnight)
40. Mezzanotte (Italian for midnight)

Cool black cat names in other languages hit differently because they carry the same meaning as the English versions but with additional style. “Nuit” is “Night” in French, which is both more elegant and funnier to say to a cat who has just knocked your water glass off the bedside table at 3am.

Funny Black Cat Names Male

Specifically for the male black cat with the energy of a minor villain who has not yet revealed his full plan.

1. Salem
2. Moriarty
3. Dracula
4. Mephisto
5. Lucifer
6. Beelzebub
7. Diablo
8. Baphomet
9. Alistair (as in Crowley)
10. Rasputin
11. Vladmir (the Impaler, obviously)
12. Vlad
13. Grimoire
14. Warlock
15. Sorcerer
16. Necromancer
17. Dark Lord
18. Lord Voldemort
19. Voldemort (He Who Must Not Be Named)
20. He Who Must Not Be Named
21. He Who Shall Not Be Disturbed
22. Darth Vader
23. Darth Kitty
24. Emperor Palpatine
25. Sauron
26. Saruman
27. Morgoth
28. Smaug (for the cat who hoards things)
29. Thanos (inevitably)
30. Magneto
31. Loki
32. Lex Luthor
33. Hannibal
34. Moriarty
35. Phantom
36. Riddler
37. Doctor Doom
38. Ozymandias
39. Walter White (for the cat who started out reasonable)
40. Heisenberg

Villain names for black male cats work because they’re self-aware about the mythology while celebrating it. “Moriarty” on a black cat who plans elaborate couch-based strategies is a name that earns its keep daily.

Funny Black Cat Names Reddit

Community-voted favorites from Reddit’s cat threads, specifically the ones that got screenshot and shared across multiple platforms because they were perfect.

1. Absolute Void
2. Maximum Darkness
3. Confirmed Demon
4. Unconfirmed Familiar
5. Suspected Witch Cat
6. Source of All Bad Luck
7. 7 Years Gone
8. Accidentally Adopted a Demon
9. This Was a Mistake
10. Best Mistake
11. No Ragrets
12. The Black Hole of My Budget
13. Unexpected Vet Bills
14. Chaos in Cat Form
15. Darkness Personified
16. Just Void Things
17. Vantablack Baby
18. Light Cannot Escape Him
19. He Absorbs Joy (and gives it back in small amounts)
20. CEO of The Dark Side
21. Senior Shadow Officer
22. Professional Wall Starer
23. Head of Ominous Operations
24. Director of 3am Screaming
25. Department of Mysterious Sounds
26. Minister of Staring at Nothing
27. He Knows What He Did
28. She Knows What She Did
29. Witness to Something
30. Evidence of Something
31. No Further Comment
32. Fifth Amendment Cat
33. Lawyer Up
34. Pleading the Void
35. Case Dismissed (she’s cute)
36. Not Guilty (she is guilty)
37. Technically Innocent
38. Innocent Until Proven Guilty (never proven innocent)
39. Statute of Limitations
40. Judicial Error

Reddit black cat names operate at a very specific intersection of dark humor and genuine affection. “Light Cannot Escape Him” is both scientifically evocative and an accurate description of what happens when he sits on your lap and you can’t get up for three hours.

Funny Black Cat Names Boy

For the boy black cat who has appointed himself sole guardian of the house and takes the role extremely seriously despite zero qualifications.

1. Gerald (maximum irony)
2. Kevin (same tier)
3. Dave
4. Steve
5. Gary
6. Barry
7. Terry
8. Dennis
9. Derek
10. Norman
11. Eugene
12. Walter
13. Frank
14. Bob
15. Jeff
16. Phil
17. Craig
18. Carl
19. Chad (for the confident one)
20. Brad (also confident, less self-aware)
21. Kyle
22. Trevor
23. Bryce
24. Logan
25. Blake
26. Garrett
27. Cody
28. Tyler
29. Brandon
30. Brendan
31. Colin
32. Douglas
33. Reginald
34. Cornelius
35. Archibald
36. Bartholomew
37. Mortimer
38. Montgomery
39. Wellington
40. Horatio

Completely ordinary human names on a sleek black cat achieve something no amount of mythology-referencing can match. The gap between “Vlad the Impaler” and “Kevin” as black cat names is enormous, and Kevin wins every time. Kevin is unexpected. Kevin is perfect.

Funny Black Cat Names From Movies

Named after memorable black cats (and adjacent black creatures) from film and television. These carry cultural weight and automatic recognition.

1. Salem (Sabrina the Teenage Witch — the definitive black cat name)
2. Binx (Hocus Pocus)
3. Thackery Binx (full formal name)
4. Jiji (Kiki’s Delivery Service)
5. Felix (the original)
6. Snowball (The Simpsons — the perfect ironic name)
7. Pyewacket (Bell, Book and Candle — 1958)
8. Lucifer (Cinderella)
9. Isis (from Catwoman and the 70s show)
10. Bagheera (The Jungle Book)
11. Pluto (Edgar Allan Poe’s The Black Cat)
12. Midnight (generic classic used in dozens of films)
13. Mr. Mistoffelees (Cats musical — the magical one)
14. Bombalurina (Cats musical — the seductive one)
15. Rum Tum Tugger (Cats musical — the charismatic one)
16. Old Deuteronomy (Cats — the ancient wise one)
17. Macavity (Cats — the mystery cat villain)
18. Griddlebone (Cats)
19. Grimalkin (from various witch films)
20. Thackery (Hocus Pocus extended)
21. Yzma’s cat (The Emperor’s New Groove — technically she becomes a cat)
22. Mochi (Big Hero 6)
23. Lil Bub (real cat, documentary fame)
24. Tardar Sauce (Grumpy Cat — honorary black category)
25. Shadow (from Homeward Bound — for the loyal one)
26. Duchess (The Aristocats)
27. Figaro (Pinocchio)
28. Thomas O’Malley (The Aristocats)
29. DC (That Darn Cat)
30. Jonesy (Alien — the survivor cat)

Jonesy from Alien deserves specific recognition. A black cat on a space freighter, surrounded by creatures that kill everything they encounter, who survived the entire film. That is peak black cat energy and an excellent name for any survivor cat.

Funny Black Cat Names Kitten

For the tiny black kitten who is all potential darkness and has not yet revealed the full scope of his plans.

1. Baby Void
2. Tiny Demon
3. Small Evil
4. Evil Jr.
5. Darkness in Progress
6. Darkness Loading
7. Evil Loading
8. Future Villain
9. Villain Origin Story
10. Episode One
11. Chapter One
12. The Beginning
13. It Starts Here
14. First Draft
15. Beta Version
16. Version 0.1
17. Early Access
18. Preview Mode
19. Demo
20. Prototype
21. Midnight Crumb
22. Shadow Floof
23. Void Baby
24. Chaos Seedling
25. Disaster Sprout
26. Evil Seedling
27. Darkness Bud
28. Tiny Abyss
29. Smol Menace
30. Miniature Overlord
31. Junior Darkness
32. Darkness Apprentice
33. Apprentice Goblin
34. Chaos Intern
35. Junior Chaos Officer
36. Trainee Demon
37. Demon in Training
38. Student of the Dark Arts
39. Padawan of Darkness
40. The Chosen One (probably not)

Kitten names that reference their early-stage villain energy are especially rewarding because the kitten will outgrow the “tiny” part but never outgrow “Demon in Training.” In three years you’ll call him “Demon in Training” while he ruins something expensive, and it will still be accurate.

Funniest Black Cat Names

The maximum-impact tier. These are built for the biggest reactions — at the vet, in a caption, or when someone asks what your cat’s name is and you need them to pause for a full second before laughing.

1. The Void
2. Definitely Not Evil
3. Schrödinger
4. Vantablack
5. Kevin
6. Gary
7. Darkness Loading
8. Future Villain
9. Responsible for Everything
10. He Who Must Not Be Named
11. Actually Harmless
12. 7 Years Gone
13. Source of All Bad Luck
14. Light Cannot Escape Him
15. Unconfirmed Familiar
16. Director of 3am Screaming
17. Chaos Intern
18. Junior Evil
19. Darkness in Progress
20. Not Cursed
21. Pleading the Void
22. He Knows What He Did
23. This Was a Mistake
24. Best Mistake
25. No Further Questions
26. Unexpected Vet Bills
27. Technically Innocent
28. Statute of Limitations
29. Witness to Something
30. Case Dismissed
31. Head of Ominous Operations
32. Darkness Intern
33. Mildly Ominous
34. Vaguely Suspicious
35. Probably Fine
36. Mostly Harmless
37. Ambassador of Darkness
38. Certified Problem
39. Pre-existing Condition
40. Act of God

The funniest black cat names are the ones that acknowledge the absurdity of the mythology while also being genuinely accurate to the cat. “He Knows What He Did” is not just a funny name. It’s a true statement about the specific behavior of black cats who maintain eye contact while knocking things off surfaces.

Names For Black Cats Female

For the queen of the household, the one who decided long before you arrived that she was in charge and has never revised that assessment.

1. Salem (works for any gender)
2. Selene (Greek moon goddess)
3. Nyx (Greek night goddess)
4. Hecate (goddess of witchcraft)
5. Lilith (Adam’s first wife, before Eve — independent and formidable)
6. Morrigan (Celtic goddess of death and battle)
7. Circe (the witch who turned men into pigs)
8. Morgana (Morgan le Fay)
9. Bellatrix (from Harry Potter and the night sky)
10. Narcissa (for the beautiful, self-aware one)
11. Nimue (the Lady of the Lake)
12. Viviane (same)
13. Rhiannon (Celtic goddess)
14. Moira (Greek fate)
15. Atropos (the fate who cuts the thread)
16. Clotho (the fate who spins)
17. Lachesis (the fate who measures)
18. Eris (goddess of discord — accurate)
19. Nemesis (goddess of retribution)
20. Medusa
21. Lamia
22. Styx (river of the underworld)
23. Lethe (river of forgetting — for the cat who forgets you fed her an hour ago)
24. Persephone (queen of the underworld part-time)
25. Proserpina (Roman Persephone)
26. Oya (Yoruba orisha of storms)
27. Kali (Hindu goddess of destruction — accurate)
28. Durga (multi-armed goddess — she also seems to have many paws)
29. Pele (Hawaiian fire goddess — for the warm chaos)
30. Ix Chel (Mayan moon goddess)

Female black cat names from mythology are the most earned category in this list. These cats are genuinely running something ancient and powerful, and they deserve a name that acknowledges it. “Hecate” on a black cat who sits in the same spot every evening at dusk is a name that describes a real phenomenon.

Black Cat Names With Meaning

Names that carry meaning behind them — either ironically (the name means the opposite of the cat’s personality) or accurately (the name says exactly what the cat is).

1. Lucky: He is the least lucky cat you own. You’ve had three vet visits this month.
2. Angel: She has never been an angel for a single moment in her life.
3. Sunshine: He is a black hole for joy and returns it on his own schedule.
4. Joy: She brings chaos. You find it joyful.
5. Hope: You hope for the best. She has other plans.
6. Grace: He has knocked over eight glasses of water.
7. Gentle: She has never been gentle.
8. Sweet: He bites.
9. Harmony: There is no harmony in this household.
10. Serenity: The opposite of what she provides.
11. Bliss: The bliss you felt before you got a cat.
12. Dream: He is specifically a nightmare.
13. Peace: She ended it.
14. Calm: He has never been calm.
15. Void: He absorbs light and attention.
16. Midnight: She runs the 3am operations.
17. Eclipse: She blocks out everything when she decides to sit on you.
18. Shadow: He follows you everywhere you would prefer privacy.
19. Fate: You did not choose her. She chose you.
20. Destiny: Same.
21. Karma: You must have done something.
22. Nemesis: She remembers every slight.
23. Chaos: Accurate.
24. Storm: More accurate.
25. Thunder: The sound she makes at 4am running on hardwood floors.
26. Phantom: Disappears when guests arrive, reappears when food does.
27. Ghost: See Phantom.
28. Secret: You don’t know where she goes or what she does there.
29. Mystery: You will never understand her fully.
30. Enigma: Correct.

Ironic names with meaning are the funniest category because they’re both a joke and the honest truth. “Serenity” for a black cat who provides zero serenity communicates both the aspiration you had when you got her and the reality of your current life.

Classic Black Cat Names

The timeless picks. These have been given to black cats for generations and survive because they’re simply correct.

1. Salem
2. Midnight
3. Shadow
4. Onyx
5. Obsidian
6. Ebony
7. Jet
8. Coal
9. Cinder
10. Ash
11. Smoke
12. Soot
13. Pitch
14. Raven
15. Crow
16. Jinx
17. Hex
18. Witch
19. Magic
20. Mystique
21. Phantom
22. Ghost
23. Spirit
24. Shade
25. Eclipse
26. Luna (moonlight on dark fur)
27. Nova
28. Cosmos
29. Velvet
30. Noir
31. Felix
32. Sylvester
33. Nox
34. Nuit
35. Noche
36. Tenebra
37. Umbra
38. Penumbra
39. Sable
40. Grimalkin

Classic names earn their status through repetition over decades. “Salem” has been the name of black cats since the 1990s show made it canonical. It’s still the right answer because it still perfectly captures what a black cat is.

Short Funny Black Cat Names

One or two syllables. Easy to call across a dark room (where you can only hear him anyway). Impossible to forget and impossible to make longer even when you’re annoyed.

1. Void
2. Hex
3. Jinx
4. Nox
5. Ash
6. Jet
7. Coal
8. Ink
9. Onyx
10. Noir
11. Vex
12. Rogue
13. Ghost
14. Shade
15. Smoke
16. Pitch
17. Slate
18. Flint
19. Char
20. Soot
21. Mist
22. Dusk
23. Dusk
24. Dawn (ironic)
25. Dot
26. Spot (also ironic)
27. Blip
28. Boo
29. Nyx
30. Kex
31. Zed
32. Zap
33. Zip
34. Vim
35. Grim
36. Haze
37. Gloom
38. Doom
39. Woe
40. Bane

Short black cat names are practical choices for 15-year relationships. You’ll say “Void, come here” approximately 40,000 times over the course of his life. It needs to feel right at 7am when you haven’t had coffee yet. “Void” passes this test. So does “Dot” (ironic) and “Doom” (accurate). For more cat naming inspiration across colors and personalities, check the full funny cat names collection which covers every type of cat and every kind of owner.

What Your Black Cat’s Name Says About You

The name you give your black cat reveals exactly how you’re processing the experience of owning one.

Mythology names like “Hecate,” “Nyx,” and “Morrigan” say you’ve embraced the aesthetic completely. You probably have at least one candle in your home that isn’t for power cuts. You see the mystique as a feature, not a joke. Your cat agrees with your assessment.

Ironic sunshine names like “Lucky,” “Angel,” and “Sunshine” say you’re self-aware about the mythology and want to undercut it. You know your cat is not a demon. You just think it’s funnier if the name pretends otherwise in reverse. Your cat also agrees with this assessment.

Ordinary human names like “Gary,” “Kevin,” and “Dave” say you’re operating at peak comedic intelligence. You understand that the funniest possible thing to do with a sleek, mysterious, potentially supernatural-looking animal is call him “Terry.” This is correct.

• Mythology names: you’ve fully embraced the aesthetic
• Villain names: you see your cat as a minor antagonist you love anyway
• Ironic positive names: you’re self-aware about the black cat mythology
• Ordinary human names: peak comedic intelligence
• Darkness-themed names: you’ve accepted the terms and conditions of cat ownership
• Reddit-style names: you process your cat through internet culture

Whatever name you choose, the black cat will acknowledge it when she feels like it and ignore it the rest of the time. That has nothing to do with the name. That’s just cats.